Tag Archives: vision board

Blind

I just looked at a graphic which is about the 7 things you need to do for your “vision board.” I have NEVER been able to do one of these. I made a brief list of where I’m trying to go:

  • House: no more culling required.
  • Writing: projects finished
  • Job: make $.
  • Debt: gone.

I have no other goals. I have no pressing need to become someone else, create something others want, etc. I suppose that after 50+ years of trying to do something I eventually did, that is learn to deal (mostly) with the PTSD and the pain associated with it, the rest is anticlimactic.

I’d like to be DONE with the long-term projects: writing, house culling of stuff, and I’d like us to be debt-free because I worry about our retirement.

All that said? Do I have other things I’d like to do?

Yes:

  • I’d like to sell my crafts, more I’d like to sell articles about doing crafts, so that I don’t have to keep hauling STUFF to shows to try to convince someone to buy whatever.
  • There’s some math things I’d like to play with.
  • I’d like to do the tutorials I’ve had in mind: wood stack, using my cleaning plan, etc.
  • I’d like to learn how to control my body so I can lessen as much as possible the effects of being anxiety-ridden from the PTSD.

Except for the 3rd one, they’re “pie in the sky” and I won’t be depressed or see myself as a failure if I don’t do any of them.

I know where I’m going and I believe that (eventually) I can get there. Why find another person’s image which is likely to not be very close and put it on paper? What’s the point?

I know people I respect who make vision boards.Maybe I’m different? Fighting to see myself as basically not a bad person for 50 some odd years and then getting there makes a lot of things others get bent about pretty unimportant.

That said? I wish I could do a vision board even for this much. But it seems silly to even try.

 

 

 

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Unexpected

I have Desha Peacock’s decorating book. I just missed seeing her at a bookstore event. Found out about it the week following. Anyway, I was intrigued and I bought the book: Create the Style You Crave on a Budget You Can Afford.

Off and on I’ve dipped into it. Most of it seems to be articles about hip bloggers, which doesn’t interest me much. I don’t care about their blogs, their lives or how popular they are. Many of them, because they are on average 20-30 years younger than I am, are talking about things I already know to save money: the dump’s swap shop, upcycle, antique stores, flea markets, swap, etc. I do all that and have. So, a half a dozen times I’ve resolved to get rid of the book, donate or sell it.

I’d gotten there this morning, again, and found one of her “quizzes” which are supposed to help you figure out your “sweet spot.” I write in books I buy for information, and had various notes in this one about colors, but nothing else. But today? Today I wrote this about a “mood board” (I’ve never managed to make a mood board, or creative board, or whatever work. I’ve tried!)

“Seriously? Decide to feel a certain way and you make that in a room?

HAH!

Fat chance!!!

Part of this was “Ask yourself these questions:. . . (My pencilled notes are in boldface.)

How do I want to feel in this room? How do I want my family to feel and others who visit?” My comment here was: How the F do I know? Never thought I could control how I feel in a room. Rooms victimize you.

“What colors would I like to see in this room? How much of this color or colors can I envisage?” No envisaging. NO visualization. None. Forget it!

I feel a little like I did when I discovered I’d been traumatized by knitting. My lack of visualization was deliberate, once. I decided I had to do that because thinking in pictures yanked me around emotionally, and my emotions made me crazy.

Of course, that was almost 40 years ago, but I’ve discovered that flipping the switch I did, from thinking in pictures to thinking in words isn’t easy to do, or to undo.

 

desha peacock book

I’m not sure how to fix this. I like our new living room, mostly. I learned a lot doing it. But other than having an idea about how I want to combine colors in the house, spending as little as possible, and getting DH’s overall approval, I have no idea about what to do or how. I only know the next piece usually, if that.

The living room’s paint needs touch up and to be cleaned up in some areas. I want to take a strip out of one room to make a hallway, so I have a wall with a large bookcase. Aside from that? I have no next steps.

The back roof has to happen this year no matter what, and much of the available money will go to that. After that? I have no idea.

It annoys me that this is seemingly so simple for some people and so difficult for me. I know why I did what I did. It was necessary, when I was 20, but it isn’t necessary now and it makes my life difficult in all sorts of ways.

I can’t write fiction. I can’t plan craft projects without doing a “sketch” because when I imagine a finished project, it never turns out that way, etc. Not being able to imagine what something might look like is a total PITA!