Tag Archives: panic attacks

I Did This Thing…

I made myself a 90 day challenge. Starting 7/1 and ending the end of September. I wanted to try and clean the house, every day, to some extent or the other. I wanted to try and use the fact that I know that it takes 90 days to create habits or change them.

Well, it worked, and it didn’t. It worked in that I got used to cleaning every day and these days I seem to be able to do it without panic attacks. Removing the panic attacks was my personal, unstated goal.

I was inconsistent. There are days where I never assigned the tasks to do, where I didn’t do anything on the lists, etc. Sometimes there are several days. I didn’t let myself let it go. I didn’t beat myself up when life got in the way, either. I just pushed on the next time I could.

So, I wrote (nearly a week late) the summary, for myself of the effort. I will do a more detailed one later, but in general, I’m not unhappy with what I did. My stated goal was to clean the house almost entirely. My unstated goal was to habitualize the cleaning so that I could clean WITHOUT panic attacks.

And that seems to have worked!

You can find my summary post here.

So (Status) and Konmari

Progress and not.

  • Progress¬† = I finished clearing out the bigger of the two storage units.
  • Not = I didn’t get all my tax info together like I wanted to. Should finish that up in the next few weeks.

I got a large amount moved in the storage on Valentine’s Day.

DH and I cleared out the antique store booth that Sunday. The following Tuesday (this Tuesday) I finished up that effort. I’ve paid for this in the resulting cramped muscles, sleepless nights due to twingey backs, etc. But it’s done. I have a backlog of boxes here at the house to go through before I’ll start pulling more from the new, smaller storage to go through. So definite progress.

That said, there are still two corners here stacked with boxes and the attic. There’s a few boxes slated to go to the dump buried in the woodshed, they won’t come out til spring.

There are two flea markets I’d do, but one of them is the day after a workshop I’ve already paid for, in the opposite direction. So, we may go and look, but we won’t be selling.

Because of all of this, I’ve asked myself, “How will I know when I’m done?” The answer I’ve come up with is:

  1. The book boxes here are the only books in boxes I’m responsible for.
  2. There’s enough room in the attic to store those (see #1) and the books I want to keep and use are shelved.

It’s another of those enough but not too much things.


 

boxes

(not my image, from Google images probably, I’ve used it previously)


 

Why I don’t do Konmari:

  1. I think it’s a fine idea, but it isn’t for me with the PTSD and panic attacks, that’s the first reason.
  2. The second reason is that my relationship with stuff and space where I live is so complicated that there are only 2 items in my home which fit her “keep it if it makes you happy” idea: a bench and a stained glass window. Everything else is stuff I like, or think/feel is okay, or haven’t really considered how I feel about it.
  3. Again, this is because of the PTSD and panic attacks.¬† You don’t get attached to things if everything you look at is a potential item for derision, theft, or being broken, which was the set up I had as a kid. I ended up being conditioned like one of Pavlov’s dogs.

So, do me a favor, please. Don’t ask me if I do Konmari. I bought the book when it was new, years ago now, looked at it and gave it to a friend within two weeks. If it works for you — that’s great.

As usual, my life is complicated!