Tag Archives: goals

New Me?

I’ve been working on my appearance.  I’d worked far too long for myself and gotten sloppy. If I’m going to take the new sales/writing gigs I have seriously, then I needed to treat them like “work” and dress appropriately.

I know folks who fuss over their looks for themselves. I gave up on that years ago. I will never satisfy myself with my looks, it’s a slippery slope I never conquer. Most of the time, I settled for being “neat” and “not offensive.” That’s fine, when the person I’m working for is me, but not when someone else is paying money for my time/efforts.

This is further complicated by:

  • It’s winter still which means big jackets, and my winter coat is inadequate.  I was borrowing DH’s old down coat. Toasty warm, but literally tattered and of course it’s too big.

There’s a foot or more of snow here, don’t tell me about calendars and equinoxes! It’s winter until mud season at least, that means almost no snow. And yes, I  keep trying to make weeks start on Monday too — I’m contrary.

  • Many of the work clothes I had were bought for working in the Mojave desert, a beach town or Florida.I’ve “outgrown” many of my old work clothes, the few I still have. They’re too small or I’m too big, whatever — they don’t fit any more.

The “French Dressing” purge deleted most of the maybe clothes as “not good enough.”

I was wearing 1 pair of jeans or 1 green pair of green pants that could be worn with leggings/stretch pants/longjohns underneath. The green pants were the only “good” pants I owned.

  • I’m “cheap” or “frugal” or whatever you want to call it. I don’t like spending money on clothes.

However, this past week or two, I’ve bought quite a few pieces of clothing etc.

  1. a pair of pants,
  2. a lightweight jacket,
  3. a “winter” jacket,
  4. a pair of earrings,
  5. 2 cardigans,
  6. new make up,
  7. 2 shirts
  8. a pair of shoes
  9. I got my hair trimmed,

The hair cut, shoes and the earrings are the only pieces that cost > $20. The pants/jackets were used, the 2 cardigans & 2 shirts were < $10 each at Penny’s and I had a 25% off coupon. I think I’ve spent right around $65 for everything, except the hair cut (40), shoes (50) and the earrings (22).

I felt like I’d been completely irresponsible, but looking at that list? No I don’t think I have. I did all of that for < $200.

The downside is that this means I need to purge at least 7 pieces of clothing. That will be pretty hard. After the French Dressing purge, I’ve kept tossing things that don’t work. Around 2-4 pieces every month. Finding clothes to purge to offset the purchases  isn’t going to be that easy! DH did another small purge on his closet, which helps, but the new clothes aren’t his, so I’ve got to get rid of more stuff, sigh.

Don’t I always?

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Wardrobe Quest and Moving Stuff

The Great Wardrobe Quest I think is solved, maybe. In our budget and within the size constraints, we can buy wardrobes from a local unfinished furniture place, painted. I had looked at these earlier in the process, but the same pieces, unfinished are as much as cheap antique ones and of course, not made as well. I was willing to pay that kind of price for “real” stuff, solid wood, not pine, hand-made, but not modernly manufactured out of pine and made God knows how? However, the price is something like $100 cheaper if you buy them painted. Not sure why except maybe they can use crappier wood?

We’ve decided the new wall also means a new floor, 100+ square feet of it, which isn’t going to be cheap, alas. But that will start us down the road to the rest of the bedroom rehab, which will be a GOOD thing!

One item we bought at that Sunday auction was a piece of kitchen equipment, and it needs a largish piece of counter to sit on — no way to put this one on a wall, or at least not without a lot more planning and reorganization! DH has been working on rehabbing it, cleaning it up, putting new feet on it, etc. so it’s ready to be used now, almost. All I have to do is find a place to put it!

One item slated to go to the flea market (4/5) and/or the new booth is our antique oak dining room table, presently stored in the kitchen, in the “dead” corner. So, instead of going to the gallery opening with DH as originally planned, I’m going to stay home and redo the kitchen storage wall, try to free up both tables, and  other general clean up/move around/get it ready to get it OUTTA here stuff. Needs to happen. I’ll finish up this post this afternoon/evening when I’m done. (10:30 a.m.)

12:31 Box wall is dismantled. The new machine will go on the wall nearest the laundry room. In order to make this happen 3 of the 5 boxes need to be moved. I think 1 of them will become the bottom 2 shelves in the laundry room by the end of the day. The others will be used, maybe, if there’s room. Big problem is that I really can’t haul the new machine around, it’s too bulky. The weight I could probably manage, but the thing isn’t small . . . .

1:19 The bottom 2 boxes are back up with a hole for the new machine, its two detachable pieces as well as the food processor, its bulkier attachments, the dehydrator and the crock pot. I kept the 2 apparently sturdiest boxes for the bottom. One of them was downright flimsy, another a bit. I need to put things back together a bit more before I dismantle the other side in the kitchen or take down the shelf in the laundry. Too much stuff displaced at once makes it impossible to put anything away! As I was taking things down from the wall, I sorted them into two categories: things we use, things we don’t. The “don’t” stuff is almost all things I want to keep, I’ve edited this wall down several times already, but the stuff (a few vases and asst. other pieces) may wind up in the attic in a box rather than out in the kitchen/dining area.

1:41 All the books are out of one side of the book boxes under the counter. Sorted them into: these do not belong here (some of DH’s books, some crafting mostly) and frugal tips, frugal housewifery, historical cooking (doesn’t belong here), frugal cooking, frugal decorating and mixed frugal titles: tips with cooking, frugal decorating with shopping hints, etc. Next task is to pull the two book boxes out and vacuum where they have been for over a year. I’m sure the area needs cleaning!

5:03 The books are back in the boxes. They are sorted into: misfiled, books to sell or donate, and books that were put back were sorted by categories. You’d think I had a library or something! Time to go put the rest of the room back together!

5:37: Crunch Time! All the “it has to be there” stuff is put away. The rest of it needs to be sorted into use/store it elsewhere or out it goes!

Self-Interest, Selfish, Bullying or Abuse – What Is It? – My Opinion

I grew up in an abusive household. The woman who was my abuser wasn’t related to me, but she might as well have been, in everything but genetics, she was my mother. Young kids believe anything parents tell them. She told me that I was stupid, ugly and so flawed that even God couldn’t love me. She did this in a 1,000 small ways, verbally, the way she treated me, the tone of her voice, what she said I could do and what I would never be able to do. She convinced me I was dumb, fatally flawed, and my family and God hated me or couldn’t love me.

Because of my past, I have “radar” about abuse, most abuse surviviors do. I thought I could NEVER be abusive. Hah. Not true. I have twice apologized to my husband for behavior over a period of time which I later saw was abusive in nature if not actual abuse.

How? Well, think of it this way: abuse and bullying both start with self-centeredness. I had a boat-load of problems when I came out of my childhood home, and what I’d done or the opinions I’d formed about how the world worked to me weren’t just opinions, they were FACT! and NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL!

Because of that, I wouldn’t and couldn’t entertain other opinions or feelings as possibly having merit, including those of the man I married. I had a boatload of rage that I hadn’t resolved and that also pushed me to not even listen to my husband’s opinions, ideas, or feelings about some issues. It didn’t matter what he said, it was wrong, unless it agreed with what I thought and believed.

And isn’t this a form of bullying too? I mean really, think about it. Isn’t bullying imposing your opinion and/or wants on someone else, no matter what they say or do? I kept that up for a few years.

I also used the pattern I’d learned with my first husband, who’s parents (divorced) had called each other stupid, given each other charley horses, etc.

I called my husband names, made fun of him — in front of him — in public,. One day he started to bend my thumb back when I did this. I was outraged! How dare he hurt me?

He said, “You’re hurting me too by what you say. If you stop, I will.” And I did. I never knew you could have a relationship with a man that didn’t include making fun of each other in a nasty way, I thought it was just the way relationships worked. I’d never had another model.

There were other ways I believed I had to have my own way, no matter what, that no one else’s opinion mattered. As I’ve grown up and away from the wounded child I was, I’ve learned that they, like the lousy model I had for marriage, were born from the wounding, not truth. Yes, I have opinions. No, I don’t always think everyone else is right. But I do think that everyone’s opinion is valid and should be listened to these days. I’ve grown up. I don’t have to have my own way all the time any more to feel safe.

The hoarding is the last of these behaviors (I hope). And, yes, it’s another form of abuse I’ve inflicted on my patient husband. It’s hard to move away from something that makes you feel safe, even when you know it’s wrong. No one ever said adulthood was easy — I’m working on it!

New Changes/New (old) Stuff

Okay. The accounting for the cleaning has gone awry, almost since the beginning of the year. I know where the tracking for the other stuff is, but the every day tracking pages are among the missing. I’m not surprised, it was TOO accountable for my PTSD. However, the 4 things HAVE become a habit and almost every day the dishes get washed, the food gets put away, the toilet gets swished with a brush and the sink gets a wipedown from my soapy hands.

Starting the next phase has gone exactly nowhere, sigh.

On the other hand, there’s progress of a sort. We had always planned a dual-use living room, partly for DH’s hobby use and partly as a living room. We’ve decided to just split the room in 2 and except for some storage, One 1/2 as a living room, and DH gets the other. When we get the excess stuff outta there, that will make life much easier!

I also have a plan for our bedroom, which includes making it smaller, adding a hallway with floor-to-ceiling bookcases. DH is skeptical, I think it will work. We have the new dressers, not in place, but we have them (Jamity’s Mom went with me to get them one day a while ago). Yesterday I bought mirrors to go over them in the “new” bedroom. DH just cleared off the table so I can trace around the mirrors and figure out where I want to hang them. (I’m going to make paper cutouts by tracing around the mirrors. Much easier to figure out placement with brown paper and painter’s tape than wood framed glass and nails!)

The old dresser, I’ve had since kidhood, is fine, attractive and functional, but frankly, I just want something DIFFERENT. Anyway, my plan is to slowly but surely pull, move etc. things over and around the bedroom so when/if this summer I say, “Let’s put a wall there.” DH, who at the moment is skeptical at best if not down right resistant to the idea, will at least entertain the idea. Right now he all but rolls his eyes — it’s another of her weird ideas!

This week, I made rugs from yarn. They’re multicolored, but not the blue of the rugs I wanted to buy. I will make rugs that color too, but I don’t have the yarn now. The rugs cost about $15 each in materials, so both of them together cost us a 1/3 of the price of the  manufactured rugs would ($90). I like spending $30 for two rugs a lot more than $180 + shipping!

When things get a bit more pulled together, I’ll post an image.

In the past few days I’ve sold a metal tin, gave away a piece of office stuff, and sold 4 books, 3 magazines, and there’s 3 books, 1 pair of pants, and a few other items in the swap shop bin too. So it’s happening, just not as fast as I’d like!

Of course, today I bought a refrigerator bin and a few other odds & ends for resale too. So, I suppose the net out is probably around 0 unless I really g0 to town filling the swap shop/donation bins again!

Life is about normal here, you?

I think I know what happened

maybe. What the missing post was about was rugs. I had two images, which are below now. I was considering both, but they’re >$90 each, and that is just not going to happen. That’s what the missing blog said.

What I’ve done about/in our room in the meantime is pull together what I’m going to use for our bedspread. I have one that I’m pretty tired of. If/when I get this done, it will have cost around $40 for the whole thing, in linen. If/When I get it done, I’ll post pics, if I can — my camera is still missing. [Believed stolen.]

So here’s the two rugs. Both are from purehome.com .

cannes peacock blue rug from pure homewave-jumper_1a

Major Progress!

 

We worked on the living room tonight. Got a metal decorative thing that’s been hanging around for years off the ground — yeah! The bookcase boxes got rearranged some, the new graphics table got cleaned off, well, the top of it did. The mess underneath is DH’s to deal with. The cast iron lamp also got cleaned and one of my pieces of art was put into a frame we had handy. It doesn’t exactly fit, but the artwork is up on the wall instead of languishing on top of the graphics table. Definite progress!

If I was counting, let’s see, it would be 3 reveals — corner of the living room, the microwave and the top of the graphics table. We used the new display stuff DH had bought, found a home for 2 pieces of fabric, the two pieces of artwork, used a frame, and deep cleaned the microwave. All in all it was a busy evening!

3+2+2+1 =8

Earlier today, I mailed off a box to a customer — that used 3 boxes, 3 mailers, 1 newspaper, 5 grocery bags, 1 sleeve, 1 card, mailing 7 books, with 7 dj protectors.

3+3+1+5+1+7+7= 27

So, today we culled, used or cleaned 35 pieces. Not enough to make the 39-40 pieces I’d have to get rid of, daily, to make the 2014*7 goal (14,098 pieces out) but pretty close! More, my house looks better than it used to AND there’s artwork on the walls that had been sitting around waiting to be put up for some time.

Starting Phase II, again

It’s obvious that indeed the four basic items have become habit. I decided absolutely this was true last night, when in sub-zero temps, after a warm bath, I went downstairs to wash dishes before going to bed. Previously, nothing short of having a gun pointed at me could have induced me to go into the coldest part of our house to wash dishes at 2 a.m., much less when it was -0 degrees outside!

So Phase II needs to start. When I’d tried this the first time, I panicked, again. The most urgent item on the Phase II list (walls, windows, doors, floors, and ceilings) is floors.

Figuring out how much/how many things I have to do is what caused the panic last time. I think I just need to start cleaning at least one floor a day. If that works for 30 days, I’ll add something else.

We’ll see how this goes!

J