Category Archives: injuries

PURSUE Happiness

This is what I used as a reminder and still do, when appropriate:

Put Up, Remember, Shut Up, & Endure

When things got really bad, I’d use the “pursuit of happiness” idea, with this as an acronym, to get myself through. I’d remind myself to be greedy and/or fiercely vigilante, that I deserved happiness, it was something I’d wanted and worked for, for decades.

This is for dealing with others’ actions. Sometimes I had to grit my teeth, shut up, and deal. (Often my being able to “deal” wasn’t being able to deal with whatever was going on currently, but a focus on the future, the possibility that things would change at some undefined future point.) I expect this to be true for the rest of my life.

When people have called me “brave” or “strong” I’ve always said that’s not true.

It isn’t true — I am STUBBORN. I use PURSUE to remind myself that stubbornness, an unwillingness to accept that the world is F’d up beyond hope is my “superpower.” It’s my form of being passive aggressive. I put up, shut up and endured, while dreaming not of hurting the person harming me, not of a world where whatever wasn’t happening, but of a world where what was happening here/now was a distant and unimportant piece of long ago.

I encourage you to be stubborn, in appropriate ways. The world doesn’t owe you anything, others don’t owe you anything. But you owe yourself to try and make your future the best and brightest you can. That means not hurting others, not lashing out, not blaming, but getting on with your life with joy — when you can.

It’s what George Herbert said: “Living well is the best revenge.”

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I’m just an unfortunate soul

. . . who’s been dealing with a lot o’ crapola for most of my life. Doesn’t make me an expert on what’s good for anyone other than me.

Yes, I’m opinionated. Yes, I’m stubborn. Yes, I hold grudges. No, I’m not a model for anyone to do anything at all. What I am is someone who’s been tackling the emotional crap for a long, long time. My job as a human as I see it, is to help other humans. If it seems that I might know something you want to know, ask. If I think I know something which might help you, I’ll offer it.

I almost always run from self-proclaimed experts. (Real experts just show you they know what they’re doing usually, no proclamations required.)  My Abuser was an expert you see, about everything and everyone and how they saw/affected *me*. Having come away from that experience after decades of work, I am leery, to say the least, when someone tells me they have the answer.

I have issues with people who want to tell me how to live my life, and over the decades, this has happened many times. It  usually starts with something like, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but you need to know it for your own good. . . .” Which is “code” for “I don’t want to get in trouble by admitting that I’m telling you how to live (I don’t know how to tell you this. . . .). And: If you just would do/feel/be what I say, then I’ll feel better and I’m egocentric enough to think there’s an easy, simple fix to what ails you (you need to know it for your own good).

People have told me: I’m feeling sorry for myself, to give it to God, to grow up, rubbed their fingers together (world’s smallest violin), get over it, just ignore it, you like being miserable, you want attention, yada yada . . . .

There are only a few real “answers” I’ve found: concrete and practical steps towards an answer almost always, for me, are better than large quantities of psychobabble. I have a friend who was very depressed as they’d been out of work for some time. I offered to and did revise their resume. They got a job, eventually. Was it my resume? I doubt it. This person was overqualified for work they were trying to get.  Did the resume help? I hope it did, but that isn’t why I offered it.

Where this person was is an absence of hope and belief that things might get better. A new resume was something concrete I could give to counter that. It took me some time, but that’s also what someone needs when they’re this depressed I’ve found. They need to know they’re valuable enough to someone to spend some time helping them. Saying, “I’m sorry you’re not happy,” isn’t very useful. Listening is useful and problem solving or potential problem solving is very useful.

So, my approach to my own and others’ problems is concrete and practical, by design, when I can. It’s something the mental health field seems to ignore almost entirely. But I know how helpful it can be to have someone help. And instead of “feel good” words, I try and give in this way.

If you find this notion of mine helpful — that’s great!

J

An Adventure & Cooler Reviews

I was on my way up the stairs, decided I’d grab the sanding block. Got to the entry  — oh that spot just there– over my head, just.

Got wallboard dust in my eyes. Wound up doing an emergency visit to the eye doctor. This was annoying because I’ve been, in the weeks we’ve been working on the living room very diligent about standing to one side, not sanding things I’m looking up to, etc. Except this one time. The doc’s assistant says it’s that way for pros too, they see people who just don’t think about things like this, but if you do, it’s the one time you don’t take precautions. . . . So now I have safety glasses and I didn’t get much done yesterday on the home front; because I was gone!

I also paid the storage, tried to go to one of my fave thrift shops (in a basement, got flooded in our torrential rain the other night) and went to the two antique shops and a consignment shop. In front of the consignment shop was an old zinc wall ice box. If it had been < $100 I would have bought it, just to use as that California closet, eh? It wasn’t. I did call DH and rib him that I’d found our new fridge. (He wasn’t real amused.) It looked a bit like this, except no wood.

old wood ice box

 

No news on the refrigerator saga, except we tossed more produce on the compost heap last night when DH refreshed the ice. We have learned a few things: If you’re going to buy a styro cooler, buy one where the lid seats to the body, like this:

lifoam huskee cooler

We have one of this line (huskee), works best of the three lifoam chests we now own.

The one which works the least well has plastic clips which hold the lid down. Like this:

0415187a-eddf-472f-9794-9f213014c257_1.016f569ea019ba3d3ea7a50eb3409654

So, simpler is better. We have a thinner walled plain chest too. That isn’t quite as good as the “Huskee” like the first one shown, but works better than the one with the plastic clips.