Category Archives: Books

The Last of it, or a Big Chunk Anyway!

I just made tentative arrangements with a bookstore to take a van load of my old stock.


I think this will take about 1/2 (?) of the remaining books & stuff in the storage unit? I have 2 boxes + I’m giving to a local bookstore, tomorrow. But the storage still has boxes loaded 10 high I think…

On one hand, I’m thinking —

“YAY!!! I can finally move on!” And on the other? I just want to have a really good, long weep.

Books were my salvation, my only reliable sanctuary. They didn’t change, and almost everything else did or wasn’t trustworthy, because my Abuser had removed that certainty: family, friends, God, the neighbors, my schools, even where I lived.

I was in a weird situation: eating prime beef in a ritzy neighborhood, thinking I was damned and going to be thrown out at any time. Being beaten in some ways would have been easier. Broken bones show and heal — a broken spirit not so much.

But books? The books were always the same. The good guys were always good; the bad guys were always bad. And the sort of stories I read? The good guys always won, because I desperately needed to believe that I could win. (Doesn’t everyone see themselves as a good guy?)

So. A milestone. It will get done. But I may cry myself to sleep or cry in my sleep for a while yet too.


Memoir, Update

The publisher, a few months ago (?) sent me a pdf of my memoir. Great! It’s going to be a real book — HURRAH!

But you can’t edit pdfs. So, I sent him a note, how did he want changes noted, etc. and never got an answer.

There’s a convention in a few weeks where Ill probably see him. I should be able to get an answer in person. Then, maybe, it will get to be a real book people can buy.

A mutual friend, an author, volunteered to write a blurb. I sent him a note. Nada.

It is NOT a memoir; it’s a black hole. This happened a lot when people were reading it. I do NOT know wtf I wrote that makes people think I can’t take whatever they’re likely to say about the thing. I keep telling people I’m twitchy about the events but not the black squiggles which describe them. I have paid 3 people to edit the thing.

Maybe I just give up?

I don’t know.