Category Archives: behaviors

The Primal Shift

Yesterday was pepper day! I made salsa, put peppers on a ristra, made stuffed peppers for dinner and the freezer, and roasted red peppers for future batches of my version of “tomato” soup.


This morning I’ve been dealing with dried herbs. The farm has PYO herbs and they bunch them occasionally. I use a LOT of parsley, thyme, mixed basils, and rosemary. I make a winter tea from spearmint/lemon balm. Today I went through all the herbs/spices:

  • I have enough/too much thyme. I’ll offer some to friends.
  • I need more parsley.
  • I need more lemon balm/spearmint for tea.

The rest of it I left alone.

If I don’t do this at this time of year, what happens is that around Feb.  I run out of parsley and tea. I object to paying retail for parsley, (Remember this?) so….


This reminded me that I also need a “cube” of pine shavings for the root cellar crates. I’ve tried sand (too heavy) and newspaper (too messy) so this year I’ll try wood shavings. I need to sterilize the crates. They’ve been empty all summer, but weren’t sterilized, as I knew it’d be months before they were put back to use.


There’s also the annual replacing older foods to make room. The last 3C or so of my 2017 winter tea mix is in the compost bucket, for example. The current bottle of thyme will join it soon.

Part of this is having enough parsley, winter tea, thyme, tarragon, etc. Where previously I would have kept all of anything, whether it was likely I’d ever use it, or not? These days I send a email to friends & neighbors asking if they want the extras. If I get no takers, the compost heap gets another donation.

pantry storage

It’s also time to beef up the canned goods. I’m pleased to say that we used all the canned and dried meats I had set aside and the canned veggie shelf has 2 cans of butter beans (used for bean soup), a can of garbonzos (hummus) and 3 cans of chopped chilis. That’s it! Getting to where the flow of pantry items made sense was one goal I had a couple of years ago. We had things we’d stored for years and hadn’t used. We had stuff neither of us liked, because it had been cheap. After three years of work, I’m pleased to say that my pantry at the end of summer has very little in it! More pasta than anything else, and not a huge amount of that. Previously, I had so much food that it was in the attic, under the sink, etc. and wasted mostly!

Still, there is something about the process of getting ready for winter I love. Much of it I hate because I loathe the idea of winter itself. But when I know I have a little food set aside to use midwinter it’s pleasing. It appeals to the frugalista in me, but it also hits a much deeper level.

 

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Integrity Counts More Than Noise

There’s an article about the office here for state employees, which handles harassment charges. Most of them go nowhere, but it’s a place for people to complain and get action before things get out of hand in the workplace.

Having been pulled into people’s laps, taken on what were non-existent conference trips, etc. by my employers, I know that harassment can be real. In the case of the guy who put me in a trash barrel, he was “kidding.” The business trip that was for a non-existent conference? I didn’t have a clue, I was a gullible 18 year-old, and naive as hell. Came back without realizing wtf had happened — because nothing happened.

I have in my lifetime also been put into lockers and tossed into a fish pond, more than once. There are also the less dramatic things, people using my head as an arm rest. Patting me on the top of my head. Calling me “honey” dismissively or just dismissing me because I’m short and/or female.

Because of my background, I was happy to see the article about the office and its apparently fair reporting of what happened in x quantity of cases, good and bad, dismissed and dealt with, however.

Two of the 3 comments on this post said, “Most claims are bogus.” And that infuriates me!

I now have a new rule.

The minute someone claims something is either “bogus” or “fake” without supporting evidence, I will dismiss everything they say on the subject.

It’s too easy to just cry BULLSHIT! and cause damage. If you want me to believe what you have to say, you’ll have to supply facts and data to back up your claim.

Integrity counts more than noise.

Annoyed!

It seems this has become my place to “rant” about the minor irritations. This time it’s about thecompanystore.com .

I like this duvet or quilt, quite a lot. Enough that I’d consider buying it, although I have absolutely no need for it.

2018-rbook-fashion-bedding-min

Except that particular pattern doesn’t seem to be available.

How do people doing marketing and web stores think this does anything other than    PISS OFF THE CUSTOMER???

Yes, it’s pretty. Yes, you have a lot of other items.  None of which I want. I might not spend any $ for this, either. But now of course I won’t, and you’ve wasted my time. I went through all the bedding, quilts, comforters, and duvets looking for this. Why would I look at anything I saw which was interesting from you again???

Come on people, THINK!!!

Word a Day Quiz? Not Dictionary.com’s!

Well, I just took two word-a-day quizzes at dictionary.com . Fine, I blew both of them, which I get, my vocabulary has been stagnant for a while now. I know that, it’s the reason I went looking to begin with.

My gripe is that the answers don’t tell you if you’re right — but how many people agree with you? I really don’t give a F about whether or not there’s consensus about a definition, I care a lot about knowing what is right. And I can’t tell from the way the quizzes are set up. Especially with words where the definitions are nuanced it would be helpful to know if the consensual answer is the correct one?

So, I’m looking for a site I can use to build my vocab., without consensus. Honestly the entire world is NOT about crowd approval and group-think.

There ARE things which are right and wrong, and there are facts — not subject to whether someone agrees, or not. Word definitions, in dictionaries, are supposed to be absolute. For multiple definitions, they list all of them. Why group think?

Insurance Company Hero!

The pharmacy auto calling was driving DH nuts, so he told me to do something already!

So, I did what I had intended to do, that is, I called our insurance company. In the process I learned a few things, at least one I will probably use the rest of my life.

  1. The price on the drug out-of-pocket was so high because we haven’t met our deductible. (I’m still not going to get it.)
  2. That there are coupons for prescription drugs available? You can get them  here or try googling the drug name.
  3. The auto caller from the pharmacy gets stopped from the pharmacy, but may not be stopped immediately, it IS automated.
  4. If I want to talk to someone with an accent I understand, call in the morning.

drugs and money

It had NEVER occurred to me that there might be coupons for prescription drugs! I use coupons and try to be frugal in almost every way I can, but this is a new one on me!

That Little Girl

I was who was so traumatized has caused me a lot of problems, because I don’t know what she decided or thought in many cases until there’s an issue. It’s my flashback to be swamped with pain, fear, or panic and possibly no apparent reason for the reaction.

For a long, long time, shame held me back, but I didn’t realize it until one day in therapy I blurted out, “I don’t deserve to heal; I killed my mother.”

I remembered feeling that way as a small child, but I thought it was survivor guilt, and I thought I’d dealt with it. I hadn’t. I did after that.

That same little girl has me trapped in the street car dealing with whatever it is related to cleaning or knitting.

train image from target

One of the most difficult things is at 60+ is to “get” that what’s going on with my body/mind has not much if anything to do with who I am now and figure out how to undo whatever it is. In many ways, it’s rather like trying to talk to an alien.

That said? She also did me a really, really good turn by her lack of understanding in one critical area. A few years back, I started to slide into clinical depression. I thought I was going insane, finally. My therapist and I talked about how I felt, and what was happening to me and she diagnosed it as clinical depression.

A while later, I put it together. What I had always been afraid of was losing control — “going insane.” That was what I’d fought internally for decades. It was keeping myself out of that. But it wasn’t insanity; it was clinical depression.

It meant that when I started to slide down that path in my 50s-60s, a remote part of me — at a distance — noticed and said, “What are you doing?”

My internal response was, “I don’t know. I don’t care.”

But that monitor said. “Hm. Maybe we’ll read this piece, it usually makes us feel better.”

“Nothing will make it better.”

“Let’s try.”

“If you insist.”

I did two or three other things: read the pieces which make me feel better, walked to the place which makes me feel good, etc. with no hope they would work. But eventually, they did.

So, yes, I’ve been depressed. And I’ve been close to succumbing to clinical depression.

But that plucky little girl wasn’t going to “go insane” no matter what! She kept finding ways to avoid it.

This puts me at a loss with people who ARE depressed, because my magic, most effective tool against depression’s devastation is that I made it absolutely illegal and forbidden for myself, when I was 3.

depression

 

Someone Got It!

New hygenist at the dentist. Talked about the PTSD and the hoarding/dehoarding. She asked me, “What’s your degree in, or did you get one?”

She understood the reason I never did, without my telling her specifically. I’m sure my family thinks I’m just too lazy or maybe too intimidated. That’s not it. Same thing as the dehoarding or finishing almost anything: makes me too visible and I want to panic.

I was gobsmacked. People get this who know me. But most people don’t draw the line between why I became a hoarder and why I didn’t get a 4 year or more degree.

Either I’m telling the stories better, or she’s just really bright about people.

Not sure which!