Because I’ve Been Paying Attention

recently, I noticed last night and remembered this morning that I’d woken up two or three times during the night.


My intention is to track my sleep habits and see if I can’t somehow make a correlation between what I’m doing in my sleep and what I do during the day. It’s a piece of data, hopefully the end of the string, which may help me figure out wtf it is about cleaning the house that punches my buttons so!

The Hoarders show is deceptive. At the end of the episodes, the text or something tells you that person Z has seen Dr X and now all is well. This makes it look like a shrink is the universal solvent or something. They’re not. The victim/focus of the show is the actual hero there.

However, that said, I’ve been under a therapists’ care in one form or the other for most of my life. If therapy was truly the answer, it should have taken by now, don’t you think?

I couldn’t deal with the hoarding issue at all before I dealt with the PTSD/abuse issues. Fine. But for the past 4 years I’ve been trying to undo this emotional snarl and the house mess. Like everything the success comes and goes. So, again,  I need to track both my successes and try and figure out wtf the problem is.

Ideas or suggestions are welcome! All I can do is keep plugging away at it, ripping the scab off the wound I said in an earlier post. Just keep on going.



The short wall in living room has been entirely sanded, tack clothed, and the knot holes painted. Hurrah! That wall will be painted with primer before I tackle the rest of the long living room wall. After that wall is cleaned, sanded, tack clothed, knot holes sealed and primered, we will go back and buy actual PAINT. Then the prepared walls will get painted and the room put back to rights.

Not half, but about 1/3 of the painting prep is done for the wood walls. The other walls won’t need as much prep, no sanding or knot sealing req’d, so those will go quick (at least by comparison).

Although yesterday I got a lot accomplished, sleep last night was fairly uninterrupted, only woke up once that I know of. Not bad for me these days! 5/30

Last night was the same as the night prior. I woke up knowing I’d been awake at least once, briefly in the night, but I don’t remember it. Rolled out of bed early for me, 5 a.m.



2 responses to “Because I’ve Been Paying Attention

  1. You post in one paragraph how this “shrink stuff” doesn’t get you anywhere, and in the next paragraph you document how you’ve cleaned up and improved your life! Silly! The improvement may be moving at a glacial pace, but yeah, you ARE getting to a good space! – Best, Linda K.

    Linda Tiernan Kepner

  2. You’re right of course. Seems like nothing happens. But yes, many things have happened. I’m no longer in pain, I’m no longer afraid I’m really a crazy lunatic; I’m actually pretty happy all in all. Just frustrated!!!

    Thanks for the perspective m’friend. Hope the weather at that end of the street is just fine.


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