I thought of something, talked it over with my significant other, then we made a decision. Yes, I’ll write the memoir, get it edited, and formatted for an ereader, probably.
Yes, I’ll probably sell it myself and maybe through itunes.
No, I won’t go out and try to get a mainstream publisher to buy it.
It occurred to me that all the heel dragging I’ve been doing is not because I’m scared to write the memoir or even put it out there, but that I’m terrified of both the almost sure rejection I’ll get from the mainstream press and/or exposing myself to the general public. My significant other agrees with me.
So here’s the new plan: I finish the rewrite. Get the copy edit. Then get it all formatted up for an ereader or POD (publish on demand) and sell it that way.
Wrestling with the memoir, getting it ready to send out to God knows who, God knows where (and probably rejected several times) has been just AWFUL. But you know? I don’t have to do it that way.
I love print. It may pay the best (sometimes). I don’t even own an ereader! But wtf — this gives me a way to do a trial balloon; a way to see what kind of response I’ll get, without courting the almost sure rejections from the mainstream press. Epub or POD, either one, both? We’ll see!
I won’t be doing it this way because I don’t have a story to tell or because I can’t write my way out of a paper bag and therefore it’s the only way I can get published. Nope. It will be because I choose to expose myself less, at least at first. If I sell 5 copies a year no one is going to get rich but that’s okay.
If it helps one person, that’s my goal. Just one, because then of course, you’ve changed the world, right?
If I didn’t believe small alterations can create large changes overall, I couldn’t have changed so much, I would have been overwhelmed, period. I would probably have become a druggie or alcoholic or something.
Direction is necessary. Energy is necessary and resilience is necessary. But hope, the belief that whatever you do can make a difference and result in meaningful change — that’s paramount.