Not only did we put our cat to sleep last week, which makes me sad, but I have another problem. Another?
Of course. My f’n past causes me to respond inappropriately. It makes me kind of nutty as I can’t seem to stop it and THAT’s what makes me depressed. I don’t mind having had all the stupid problems, don’t mind so much that it’s taken me so long to actually deal with them. But I DO mind that I keep exposing myself emotionally to beating myself up — for something I can’t seem to stop.
The key to depression for me is feeling as if THERE’S NOTHING I CAN DO to change something. As long as I have the smallest shred of hope, I’m okay, but honestly, do I have to keep paying?
Okay, whine over now, but sometimes? Sometimes I just get depressed about how hard it is, how long it’s taken, and how much I have yet to do. Sometimes it feels as if I haven’t accomplished anything at all.