to this: the place where I exercise is “intimate” that is, you’re in a small pool with others, and in the therapy pool it’s mostly people just standing and doing resistance stuff. I end up feeling like I have to talk, that is my PTSD and insecurity kick in. It’s not completely appr0priate, it makes me appear (and feel) insecure, awkward, and socially inept, and yet I can’t seem to stop. I’ve been doing this for months. I suppose one solution is to try and go when no one is there, swim for about 30 minutes real hard and get out. I stopped trying to use the exercise floor, I couldn’t get past the “open” files, where anyone can pull your file, where everyone can see you. I felt real exposed. I either need to find an emotional solution to this or change exercise facilities.
Sometimes being me is a pain in the behind! I’ve been doing this off & on for months. I get away from there, realize I’ve done this yet again — resolve to do better, and don’t.
wtf. I should be able to do better!