Need to find a solution

to this: the place where I exercise is “intimate” that is, you’re in a small pool with others, and in the therapy pool it’s mostly people just standing and doing resistance stuff. I end up feeling like I have to talk, that is my PTSD and insecurity kick in. It’s not completely appr0priate, it makes me appear (and feel) insecure, awkward, and socially inept, and yet I can’t seem to stop. I’ve been doing this for months. I suppose one solution is to try and go when no one is there, swim for about 30 minutes real hard and get out. I stopped trying to use the exercise floor, I couldn’t get past the “open” files, where anyone can pull your file, where everyone can see you. I felt real exposed. I either need to find an emotional solution to this or change exercise facilities.

Sometimes being me is a pain in the behind! I’ve been doing this off & on for months. I get away from there, realize I’ve done this yet again — resolve to do better, and don’t.

wtf. I should be able to do better!

2 responses to “Need to find a solution

  1. Do you go by yourself or with a friend? My husband will give me “the eye” when I need to keep myself in check. Perhaps you could ask someone else to divert the conversation when they realize you’ve gone beyond what you should share? 🙂 Don’t beat yourself up. Life is about growing, and learning.

    • I go by myself.

      If I was with someone that would solve the problem, you’re right.

      Beating myself up only because it’s so frustrating to be so needy. I really don’t “need” to talk to these people, but it’s in my programming, everyone in my family is prone to lecturing. Unless you talk, you become a permanent audience. It bugs me that the gym of all places triggers this response in me. I’m going to work on it, mostly just because it’s inappropriate and I want to be able to set boundaries and KEE:P them!

      Thanks for the encouragement!

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