So . . . what’s new?

Hmm. Well, it’s confession time I guess.

I’ve been beating back depression, been running away in many ways.

The past month or so the personal issue that I’ve been tackling is old, and very deep stuff. I’m not going to go into details, but it’s really not fun for me. The first time it got brought up, I was devastated all day. That was about 2 months ago. Since then, the issue has come up/gone two or three times. In reaction to this, I first clamped down on it and got BUSY!!! so I didn’t have to think.

Then I started trying to read all the books by Diana Palmer I hadn’t yet (and I’ve been reading her stuff for 30 years) and then read some of them in order. It’s what I do when I’m depressed. I read serially. I’ve been known to read all the Pern books by McCaffrey and all the Corps books by Griffith, at the same time. When I ran out of material too soon that time, I started over and reread both!

I used to do the reading all day/every day and refuse to go anywhere and do anything else. These days, I spend a fair amount of time on the computer, invent reasons why I shouldn’t be home (have errands to do!) cook and read. Not anywhere near as unproductive as I was previously, but not getting my work done, either.

In one sense I’m out of the funk. In another? I’ve basically been in one since January 1. I need to get my act in GEAR! I have 90 days to do a HUGE amount of stuff in this house and I’m puttering along as if I still live in SoCal and the weather is almost always nice.

We’ll see if I can get my ass in gear, or not.

J

4 responses to “So . . . what’s new?

  1. I am trying to be productive. Fighting donwannas & too tired every step of the way. I am breaking things down into smaller & smaller chunks. EVERYTHING is too overwhelming otherwise. ((Cuz))

  2. Good luck. It’s really tough when you’re down. I’m glad you know what’s causing it (the reason). I find that sometimes I’m simply down, and I don’t know why. Then I have to search around, trying to figure out what triggered it. But, for me, when I’ve figured it out, I’m able to face it and either change, or move it. Depends on what it is… Sorry you’re feeling down. Hope you’re able to stir up your motivation to keep moving toward your goal! 🙂

    • I’ve spent a lot of my life learning who/what I am, but this still eluded me for a bit. I kept thinking I was okay, while on the other hand I knew I really was NOT. I had a hard time admitting it, even to myself.

      Being able to “just be down” sounds a lot better than where I go, which is I kind of panic if I can’t figure out what’s going on. That sounds like a good goal for me!

      Thanks for the comment —

      J

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