wtf

My past few posts have NOT been about being a hoarder or de-hoarding. (I’m sure you noticed.)

There are reasons:

1)I’m sick and tired of making the silly lists
2)I hate that I’m behind and it’s only the middle of the 2nd month
3)I’m overwhelmed.

This blog is a “noble experiment” to keep me honest/on track and accountable. Well, honest or no, I was off track before the first month was out. To purge the amount of stuff the goal requires, I’ll pretty much have to do nothing else, at all, period. The issues that got me here, which are still in the background, just won’t put up with that, so this briefly became a blog about meal planning, etc.

I’ve been out of state working for nearly a week this past month, but that isn’t long enough to make a huge difference. That’s 165 pieces I’m supposed to purge. A fair chunk, but I’ve done 300+ in one day, so that’s no excuse.

What’s happened is that I’m discouraged because I started behind and I’m still behind. I can do almost anything I set my mind to, I’ve found, if I believe I can attain the goal and see movement. Frankly, I expected to perhaps be behind after 2-3 months or even 6. But starting behind and then never catching up wasn’t how I thought this would go!

I’m not between a rock & a hard place, but two internal razor blades. I want/expect myself to be able to do this, at this level. The hoarder in me is screaming its head off, “It’s too much! It’s too fast!” Both pieces are right.

I did the only thing I could think of, I shelved the whole business to try and calm things down. I respect the hoarder. She has good reasons why she’s there. She protected me for a long time and I needed that protection.

But this is here and now. Here and now, I don’t need to be protected in the old way and the stuff stops me from doing what I want to do NOW. Dealing with stuff all the time keeps me from accomplishing almost anything else. Therefore, I have to get rid of the stuff.

Want to go around the rat wheel one more time with me? (No, I wouldn’t either.)

Talking about food plans, even ones that don’t work, is much easier!

The goal is 28 things a day, that isn’t a lot. My current total is 8 more things gone, that’s the net for several days. Gah! Okay, I’ll get back to work. My pathetic tally is below.

OUT
Sold: 10 books etc.
Reveal 4
pantry consolidation 2
16

IN
Bought: 8 things
8

today 16-8 = 8

old 9054 90.0%
new 9046 89.9%

Why am I doing this…tell me again? No, I know. I like beating my head against the wall that is me. Damn, this feels just like trying to fight the flashback. I finally got that I can’t fight it, I have to accomodate it. Okay, so that’s what I’ve been doing with the hoarder. But this latest push to get out from under has just made that part of me go ballistic. Time for Plan B, except I don’t have one.

wtf

J

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8 responses to “wtf

  1. Can you back off on purge numbers? If you are overwhelmed & behind, “It’s too much! It’s too fast!” Both pieces are right.” Then slow it down! You have been doing so great! Setting unrealistic expectations is a way to fail. You may aspire to empty the hoard as fast as possible – but seriously, how long did it take you to acquire it? Give yourself a break & slow down, lower the numbers. Just my opinion…but I am your cousin & a fellow hoarder.

  2. That’s sort of what I’ve done, yes? But I really don’t want to back down on the goal and in years past, doing what I’ve needed to has been easy-peasy, so it wasn’t a problem. This time I may have just taken too big a chunk. I don’t know; we’ll see.

    I need to find a way that if I don’t make my numbers it doesn’t stop me cold, which is pretty much what’s happened. I iked the excitement of putting the office together, getting the crates for bead storage, etc. that i did the beginning of this year and end of 2011. But I’m just back to slogging through STUFF. Ug. [The office is also clogged full as well.]

    It’s winter, which does NOT help. I’ve been thinking about clearing out in front of the living room’s double windows to start growing houseplants, again. Anything green and growing, maybe “wheatgrass” or sprouts, I don’t know. I just hate winter. I hate it being too cold to be outside.

    I’ll figure something out; I have to. I can’t/won’t live like this forever, and I can’t stop cleaning/clearing for the three months of winter just ’cause I’m depressive, if not depressed.

    We’ll see! ((hugs)) to you. Hope you’re cold is getting better?

    J

  3. Elizabeth (Beth)

    Boy do I understand. I have so many negative tendencies in me if I thought about them all my head would blow up. Just try to keep on keepin’ on the best you can. 1% in the right direction is better than no percent in the right direction or going in the wrong direction. I say this as I sit here with a bad stomach that has allowed me to accomplish almost nothing today. AND….I had such great (and fun) plans for today. Ugh!

    • Gah! Everyone (or nearly everyone) seems to be under the weather or something. Beth, I’m sorry you’re feeling badly too!

      Thanks for the encouragement. I’m in a nasty funk. I’ll get over it, probably, but I’m not feeling very enthusiastic about the idea of getting rid of 9000+ more items this year at the moment.

      Get better!

      J

  4. I’m just joining you now, but I’m curious as to what your place looks like. You say you’re a hoarder, and somehow you’ve counted all the stuff in your house, but people’s definition of “hoarder” is quite varying. Perhaps you should take pictures to track your progress – you don’t have to publish them. If numbers and counting is what works for you, great. However, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, why don’t you just work on a section/area. That way you can focus on one part at a time. Bite by bite. Good luck! ~ Liz

    • My house has “goat trails” between stacks of boxes of books. Taking pictures isn’t really necessary, If I could walk across the living room (or the kitchen or our bedroom, or…) without going behind stacks of boxes of books, I’d count it a success!

      I haven’t counted all my stuff. I have a goal of 10,060 things out in 2012. Last year I got rid of 8,044. The % and number that are in the tallies are how much I still need to get rid of this year. But I have no idea how much stuff I actually have!

      Thanks for the sugggestions and the comment —
      J

  5. Comments are always nice!

    Right now I’m stuck. I have a few, piddly things to go out to the antique store, I’ve sold a few more things. I have two pending wholesale orders which would give me 150+ items purged, but I keep putting them off….

    I’m in a funk, alas. I’ll get over it, but, I’m there.

    What do you do when you’re in a funk?

    Knowing that I’m not doing this in a vacuum is frequently the best goad I know. I’ll go way the hell out of my way to not let other people down most of the time. For myself? No. But for others, yeah. In the past years when I’ve done this, by this time I’ve been AHEAD of where I should be, not BEHIND. I should just get on with it, do those wholesale orders, put more stuff in the antique booth and GO!

    Well, it didn’t happen today. Maybe tomorrow? Tomorrow is dump day!

    Re the goat trails? The stacks of book boxes are mostly only 3 high in the living room etc. these days.

    Up until last October, they were 5+ high. We moved a major chunk ‘o stuff outta here in October. What’s in the living room was supposed to be unpacked and put away at the end of that weekend. It’s all the stuff from the 2 offices. It’s still there, obviously. That depresses me.

    My new (dead) refrigerator depresses me. The weather depresses me. I have a friend who’s having serious relationship problems which depresses me. People I love are sick. My “god child” (a dog) died. The raccoon who kamikazed into our car and broke a few things depresses me. It’s just been a sucky month.

    Planning the spring garden seems a lot more productive! Certainly it’s more positive than putting on my Sisyphus costume and going up that hill, again?

    teacup

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