My past few posts have NOT been about being a hoarder or de-hoarding. (I’m sure you noticed.)
There are reasons:
1)I’m sick and tired of making the silly lists
2)I hate that I’m behind and it’s only the middle of the 2nd month
This blog is a “noble experiment” to keep me honest/on track and accountable. Well, honest or no, I was off track before the first month was out. To purge the amount of stuff the goal requires, I’ll pretty much have to do nothing else, at all, period. The issues that got me here, which are still in the background, just won’t put up with that, so this briefly became a blog about meal planning, etc.
I’ve been out of state working for nearly a week this past month, but that isn’t long enough to make a huge difference. That’s 165 pieces I’m supposed to purge. A fair chunk, but I’ve done 300+ in one day, so that’s no excuse.
What’s happened is that I’m discouraged because I started behind and I’m still behind. I can do almost anything I set my mind to, I’ve found, if I believe I can attain the goal and see movement. Frankly, I expected to perhaps be behind after 2-3 months or even 6. But starting behind and then never catching up wasn’t how I thought this would go!
I’m not between a rock & a hard place, but two internal razor blades. I want/expect myself to be able to do this, at this level. The hoarder in me is screaming its head off, “It’s too much! It’s too fast!” Both pieces are right.
I did the only thing I could think of, I shelved the whole business to try and calm things down. I respect the hoarder. She has good reasons why she’s there. She protected me for a long time and I needed that protection.
But this is here and now. Here and now, I don’t need to be protected in the old way and the stuff stops me from doing what I want to do NOW. Dealing with stuff all the time keeps me from accomplishing almost anything else. Therefore, I have to get rid of the stuff.
Want to go around the rat wheel one more time with me? (No, I wouldn’t either.)
Talking about food plans, even ones that don’t work, is much easier!
The goal is 28 things a day, that isn’t a lot. My current total is 8 more things gone, that’s the net for several days. Gah! Okay, I’ll get back to work. My pathetic tally is below.
Sold: 10 books etc.
pantry consolidation 2
Bought: 8 things
today 16-8 = 8
old 9054 90.0%
new 9046 89.9%
Why am I doing this…tell me again? No, I know. I like beating my head against the wall that is me. Damn, this feels just like trying to fight the flashback. I finally got that I can’t fight it, I have to accomodate it. Okay, so that’s what I’ve been doing with the hoarder. But this latest push to get out from under has just made that part of me go ballistic. Time for Plan B, except I don’t have one.